Oh so tired!
Completely exhausted by the whole ordeal by now! The list of errands never ends and now can't quite get my head around the fact that I have to cut off my cell phone and hand over my car tomorrow...Want to put it off a little longer. Completely surreal that I am leaving, feel like an idiot that I haven't learnt any japanese but really have too much to do at the moment. I guess it still doesn't feel real even now and learning japanese seems pointless but I am aware how insane I am. it's ok though, as long as you know. Goodbye week has gone well although heavily fighting the urge to just stay in bed, never have I craved sleep so much as in these past weeks and have I gotten any, nup! Tonight is theoretically packing forever, uploading mp3 and basically everything but I am so damn tired! The good news I found the ultimate work/going out/can walk to work without hobbling high heels today and for half price. Have a sudden craving for mariah albumn as I am uploading it right now. A nice memory is one time my mum put this cd on when I was maybe 14 and angsty and lit candles and did my nails. My parents are the greatest and I hope I make them proud over there...
Mantras
..Live the life you dreamed..
..Move confidentally in the direction of your dreams..
...A random profound
quote...
"Have patience with everything that
remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like
locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for
the answers. The cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It
is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the
question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself
experiencing the answer, some distant day"
Who am I living for/doing this trip for: child Claire who dreamed big, my parents and grandparents who no longer can, my own grandchildren who will want to marvel at me and myself who has to live with missed opportunities if I don't swallow fear and move ahead anyway.
Hello new world
The city doesn't look so bad...
Apparently 808 is local word for infinityesque, so hello 808 bridges in Osaka. From the map, looks like Minami district my new home will be nearish to that white bridge...I hope so.
Can't believe I am accidentally in possession of a Japanese work visa! This is definately not part of my life plan I have had since I was young, I hope I get back on the Europe-career-happily ever after track at some stage but I have experienced enough to know nothing ever turns out the way you expect and the best times hit by suprise... The whole reason I am going is because I can't spend time thinking what would have happened if I had gone, the whole trip is so crazy and unexpected I cannot imagine what adventures will occur. At this stage slightly freaked out every time I read something negative about Japan etc and still can't get a grasp in my head about what sort of things I will enjoy doing there other than hanging out with cute americans etc. As I was saying to Adriane, Japan is a country I have never thought about visiting, learnt about or ever put it on my list! I look forward to seeing the mountains, seeing the autumn leaves/blossums, laughing at the teen fashions and enjoying the serenity of temples and ruins but other than that I just cannot even fantasise about what my new life will look like, the scariest part.
So much to do, So little time to put it off until [sic]
Well 26 days to go, my to do list is frightening but at least putting an end to work in 11 days will free up my time. I have been lucky with my work, will have like 30 hours the next 2 weeks go off with a bang, or at least a relatively ok wage. Of course I am sure my savings will remain negative, it would be a shame to ruin that long standing certainty. So many things I will miss about Brisbane, I have adored living in this area and so glad that quest came true when I was desperately househunting at Christmas...
So my ode to my neighbourhood, the first of many...
Leaving palace cinemas after the usual sunday night movie session, still and empty. Where are the workers, who locks the doors...?Still awake after a fun night, watching the sun rise in a violet haze over this big little city ..Loving the rapidly disappearing grottiness, knowing when I return in a year a little more will be gone, and when I live here once more it will be a memory built under funky concrete The noisy phone at dominos, sitting laughing with dre. Hazy mornings walking up my hill seeing forever. Off to my first Japanese class, fingers crossed for meeting some cool people and feeling excited about going.
